Okay, so this is about me now… hmmm. Well honestly, I have found embarrassing things on others’ phones and computers but as for mine, I don’t have any fun stories to share. It is quite depressing yet embarrassing for me but because I have to tell you about my experience, here you go then. You asked for it 😉
I will take this article very seriously that I can tell you- not like I take other articles lightly but just that this story I am going to share is very personal and close to my heart. I never usually share but I want to write about it to spread awareness and break the stigma I suffered from and lost my childhood doing that. I just want to make a difference. I really do.
So this happened when my depression was at its peak, and I had lost all hope in living. Guess what I searched on the internet?
“Can God forgive me if I commit suicide in certain circumstances and let me meet my dad in the hereafter?” It was not embarrassing when my intentions got caught because, at that time, I considered myself a burden to my mother and brother. I thought finishing my life would not only end my pain but theirs as well. That was the only way out I could think of. It is not like I did not want to live; I was tired of dying every day.
Anything your mental illness says is to bully you- don’t allow it to
But I WAS WRONG. Depression. Anxiety. OCD. Every mental illness lies to you. It lies to you to the point that you even become suicidal. It happens when you take too long to seek professional help. I did that too. I wish I wasn’t this late but better late than never, right?
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Jumping to conclusions (one of the cognitive distortions)
It became embarrassing when I could finally shut the demons in my head after some help. If any of my loved ones were at my place and they were suffering, would I want to get rid of them to ease the load? Would I even consider them a burden? No, I won’t. How come I concluded that about myself then? That was one of the million lies my mental illness told me.
Once you seek therapy, you will know. But we take way too long to seek help. Do you know why? Because we don’t even regard our brain as our body part. There is just so much I want to talk about but one article won’t do. I recommend you to study hormones; how every stressor affects them and how they, in turn, affect our whole body functioning, and whatnot.
This is for the ones who don’t get it at all. I was one of them at some point but now Ayesha is your future clinical psychologist. 😉 And she is so happy that she did not give up on life. She still fights with anxiety and depression, but she never thinks of giving up. So guys, reach out! Seek help! Own your body; your brain is just like any other body part.